Written by Morris Scott, Esq., M.A., Temple Family Council Member
The excitement of your student returning home from college can be thrilling. If you’re like me, you want to know all about his or her experience. However, sometimes, the interaction may not be as smooth as expected. Here are some suggestions for interacting with your student coming home from college.
Listen to your child: Listening effectively can be difficult at times when we have so much to say. We make statements and ask questions because we care. However, often the best way of learning about your student’s experience can be to allow your student to talk. When you feel like interjecting, instead allow them to finish their thoughts. Process their statements. Think about the possible reasons behind their statements. Listen well. This will allow you to provide timely and helpful responses. For instance, there are times when a student may not be searching for an answer, but rather, a sounding board to vent frustrations. Listening, and only listening in those circumstances is sufficient.
Listen to your words to your student: When it is time to speak, be aware of how you speak to your student. Listen to your words as they come out of your mouth. Make sure they are not lecturing words, but rather words that reinforce your relationship with your student, and your pride in their achievement. A good suggestion is to always start with the positive before discussing the sensitive or negative issues.
Be patient: Exercise patience in receiving information about your student’s experience. The discussion may not be fruitful in the first or even second discussion. However, in unexpected moments during the summer, a comment here and there will be made. Be ready at that time, stop what you are doing, and engage in conversation with your student. The open door to conversation may often come at the most inconvenient time. However, understand that your student may never share everything about their college experience. That is fine. Your student’s decision of what to discuss and what to keep private is a part of being an adult.
The power of questions: As you consider the next year to come, think carefully about how you and your student will shape the next year. Instead of stating what your student will do, think about making suggestions, or even asking questions which raise issues in the mind of your student. This will give you the opportunity to see how your student is thinking and processing issues.
The value of your presence: Even if your student is not expressive, understand the power of your mere presence with your student. This may be in the form of planting flowers, going shopping, playing basketball or going to a baseball game. Your presence with your student during the summer is the soil that will cultivate a continuing relationship so that when the time comes for issues to be discussed, your student will not hesitate to communicate.
Exercise Trust in Your Child: We as parents often try to be the problem solver for all the issues of our students. We love them and want the best for them. However, we must trust their ability to learn from lessons of the past and build upon successes and achievements. Moreover, as they become aware of our trust in them, they will become more confident and develop a strong sense of responsibility.
